


Always

by Atman



Series: Inner turmoil [1]
Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Gen, Only rated for language and troubling troughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-30
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 20:50:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9514727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atman/pseuds/Atman
Summary: Rick's internal monologue





	

Back from another fucking adventure. It was a good distraction. That's was a whole day of not actively trying to kill myself.At the end of the day it's always this small cot to myself. You know I've tried this love thing before. Got married had a wife and a kid. I even went to work in this dimension and earned a paycheck. But no one could understand. They haven't seen what I've seen done what I had to do. I couldn't fucking force myself into a role I wasn't cut out for. What am I supposed to go straight from spying on counter revolutionary gaurds to changing diapers. Well I fucking did it and I was fucking miserable.   
Am I supposed to sit on a therapists chair and say I try to fight for the freedom of this whole galaxy from an oppressive government, but then I saw neither the government or the citizens were good and neither was worth saving. For every living sentient creature every moment on earth is fucking torture. Life is not something I would wish onto my worst enemies. Now I'm floating through time and space working purely out of self interest. Inventing for the sake of inventing and nothing else. Without principles I turn to drink, the only thing that's never left me, has the same effect each time. The only constant in my life.  
Am I still allowed to call myself a person. If anything I'm a husk of humanity all the good qualities drained out of me, living a bitter old man with withered skin behind. That's all I am now and maybe that's always what I've been. There is no such thing as innate humanity only the capacity of all sentient creatures to feel suffering.  
I know I'm bad for my family. I know they would be better off without me. I know I'm putting them in danger. But I'm a selfish bastard and seeing them care about me makes life for more bearable. I don't know why they care. I've never given them any reason to. It's pretty clear I'm a washed up piece of shit inventor unable to form a truly intimate connection with anyone. They're wasting their time with me. They could be with someone who can truly reciprocate love. Maybe once before it all began I was capable but I have been this way as long as I can remember.


End file.
